Diary of an Unconscious Mind

Ice Cream 

Winter coldness fills the air As I walk past a person barely there Shadows grows like a giant tree Hovering down taking a hold of me Eyes sunken in Ashen lips Youth has gone passion lost Living in a world that long since exist Grabbing for a heart That can’t beat Echoes of her voice whisper in your ear Touching your soul dragging you in Longing to follow Longing to stay Soul mate is gone, yet you had to pay Winter coldness blow into the house As the corpse of you tries to get out.

Shades of gray Rose tinted glasses Metaphor to life No wonder Holly Golightly ate breakfast at Tiffany’s Reality is all she could ignore The price of life was her freedom confined Walking on a tightrope Balancing her mind Laughter filled her day Sadness has no place Life is to short to wallow it away Some may think this uncaring Who is to argue? But it has it place in the morning Metaphor to life Are simply lessons learned Unlocked mysteries Path worn by tracks Visions realized dreams take flight Standing on the edge of life Where is sweet Holly today? Looking into the window Wishing it all away.

Ropes and stockings Leather and lace Contradictions all over the place Memorized by your presence The animal speaks in me Uninhibited bending on my knees To touch that place that makes us human Passion explodes Into the arms of someone Who knows what it means to be free No constraints nothing to tie Feeling a kindred spirits Unleashed in the night Riding to the sky on a horse with wings Limits no bounds Into him I follow Never asking why Drawn to his scent Like a hunter to prey Conquering fears that have washed away As the last tremor is felt My body comes back Contradictions washed away I have found myself.

She walked along the streets of her past Wondering where she had been Looking for answers to questions That had long been forgotten The streets had narrowed Since her first walk The directions became clear Having been traveled by her small feet The step became worn By blood she once shed Robert Frost sits at the table at the end of the hall He asked, “Which road do you prefer to travel miss?” She searched hard to answer Looking at the path behind her The one traveled by her one to many times There he sat patiently as she observed her choices A road with all the pitfalls that life has to hold A road of nothing but easy streets paved by those who went before She looks into his eyes and muttered “I’ll take the road full of hardships and make my life my own.”

When does the soul lose it faith Into the ravenous depth of self control Leading the mind to act Commanding the body to lose its reason Leaping into the wells of self doubt Listening to the words spoken with no respect He that see all her flaws Molding her into an image That no ruler can measure Spoken words that cut so deep Scars from where her heart used to be Control is lost, self made to be destroyed Walking in silence afraid of her own voice No longer able to scream out Heartlessly made into his image of beauty A puppet hanging on strings Lead to the pits of his monstrous hold When does the soul lose faith To become what it is told She is no longer a woman Just a mold without a home.

Soft kisses in the moonlight Gentle rhythms of the lips A touch that lingers in the mind Intertwined in the arms A passion filled with freedom Soft caresses no words spoken In the language of the kiss Moonlight simmering off his blue eyes Gazing into them searching his soul Travels made, journeys took All are a haze in the moment Caught up in the kiss Gentle rhythm of his lips Touch the chords placed on a shelf Long ignored Into the moonlight dancing around What is it I am searching for? Can it be found in the rhythm of a kiss?

Darkness fills the street A path lit only in pain Four corners of one place Solitude is the only guide Confined to that which is fear Fighting the soul for control Of the path it wishes to take Held upon the past Like a sacrificial lamb Draining the body of all that is sacred Killing the freedom Trapped behind four walls Four corners of the mind Past, present, future and the unknown Battling for forgiveness To accept love abound Darkness fills the streets Confined to all the possibilities

It is two o’ clock in the morning The entire world is asleep Her mind is awake Missing him near her Arms wrapped around her waist Asleep in this bed without her soul It is gone from this place Flew out the window today Leaving her alone with her pain Her back against the wall A wall she torn down when he first held her Standing naked to the mirror Looking into the place that once held him She sees that nothing is there just a bleeding heart Her soul flew away today Is this confinement a punishment? For loving someone Letting herself shed those protective walls Only to watch her heart bleed Damn him for loving her She had always kept her distance from love So she would feel nothing Now standing in front of herself All she sees is the love that he had given her Tears flood her face Like the river as the dam breaks She has loved and been loved So Humpty Dumpty had a fall The piece shall be put back together again It is two o’ clock in the morning Sleep

Eyes of blue Depth of soul Waves of unconsciousness Pulls me in Walks in light halo hung low Where is my heart What is it to know Dreams of passion days of truth Why does my heart lead me to you Full of heartache shy to speak your name Wallflower to the way I know I should behave Glance towards me Heart skips a beat Feelings I have forgotten Can still stir in me Eyes of blue Longing to gaze But all I have is my own maze.

Blow into the wind my love Kiss thy face with all that was Into the moonlight you go Back to heaven The place you now call home Clouds of yesterday pass by my head Sorrow that was once my only friend Replaced by joy that is his light Placed you into his arms Making it all right Angelic voices cry to me in the night Heaven is full of glory today Into it flock came my mother So blow into the wind my love And may the joys of heaven comfort you That I may know now the perfect love You have taught to me That the heavenly father shows us his great mercy.

Solitude is the lot in life Believing in all that is good Life changing decisions Multitude of heartache Giving to much Finding no pleasure Passion died Smothered by compassion Walking alone Trying to reach out Finding no hand Paying for mistakes Never truly knowing why Changes mask what is deep inside Learning a lot Not enough though To make you stop Letting me go Walking a line Not seeing the path Waking up To an empty bed Void of all that once was there Journey taken of free will Road ended Here I stand.

They say you can never go home again once you walk out the door and shut it, it stays shut. I live by the thought that home is always there for you to walk back in when times are weary a place that is warm, inviting to those who enter comfort in a storm. I view love like this home a place to lay your troubles filled with people who care how your day went. With hindsight in hand and friendship in my heart I faced the unknown of him since we parted ways hoping to find him in good spirits and living the life he wanted. I found the inter me to face him even though I felt scared of how he would react to me hoping he would see the effect he had on my life the positive influence that his words didn’t fall on deaf ears. To notice that the changes I was going through where a gift that I had to go looking for again, just the way I felt in his presence when I first meet him full of those schoolgirl flutters. I needed this break to find my voice that I let get lost in our distance I forgot h...

As we lie sleeping in the dust of creation Our hands tied behind our back We try to justify that which cannot be said By hiding our heads The light that once shined so bright Has dimmed to a glow Longing to know what makes our hearts beat Standing to the mirror facing the reflection Bearing our souls Walking through the fires of self doubt Facing the fears of our past Learning to trust giving the heroes a day off Finding creation in ourselves Gently untying the ropes that bind Finding satisfaction in time.

Slowly he moves though her senses Experience by design Hidden meanings lost within this time His hand rest upon her thigh She shakes with fear Lost in the hidden meaning that she refuses to hear Soft lights flash before her Camera of the flesh Repeating all the memories Tempting her to regret Chamber rooms full of skeletons Hanging from the rafters Where are the angelic voices Trying to guide her way Just hidden meaning lost within this time He slowly paces her every step Cunning is he Following her through every angle The cameras eye taking her Her senses grow cold The sight she has lost Slowly ever slowly she lose her touch The demon is to be fought By her tiny hands To chase away the regret she just might have Her hands clasp his neck As the blood drains from his face The camera flash fades away With angelic voices to guiding her way.

A tattered road Cracks in the asphalt Driven to the limit by miles of uncaring drivers She lay by the road A traveler through life’s unspoken mysteries An outsider to the norm Eyes of truth A sword that carries her heartache Spoken with passion to the masses Who have forgotten their place? In the unearthly things A rebel with a fight Fighting for all to have a voice Silence is a sorrow that she cannot endure The road is traveled by her bare feet Resting the cross against her shoulder Carrying the weight of her true self For all to see That in nakedness our souls shine in the eyes of the creator That we are truly beautiful in his eyes The fight is not in vain The white lines on the black asphalt Blue into gray that guides her to the truth The road she travels is long The cross becomes ever so light Her companion has saved her from her weight Leading her down the road to the ultimate light.

Norah Jones in the background Light play on the ceiling Smoke lingers in the air Loneliness fills the sheets Promise never kept Time out for a rest Restless fears overshadow calm Sitting wondering what went wrong Complacence breed discontent Walls shut out emotions Fears in childhood Become scars of adulthood Searching for meaning Silence to the past Blind to the fact That baggage is not always neatly packed Is easily carried from place to place Sheets become sheets again Silence is a mirror reflecting truth Walls constructed long ago Is the barrier from all the world hold To tear it down would the world end Is the price worth all the fear? A price for happiness For self awareness A price for love For a soul to be bare To be naked to the unknown To let love truly be felt No longer an arms length away No fear of one’s self Bricks slowly tumble to the floor Taking that first step out from the prison walls Touching the earth Forget self-doubt Freedom at last no walls to bind No place to h...

Mirrors surround the room Reflections showing all sides Directions for the way life should be Turn a corner only to hit another obstacle The seven deadly sins One for each day of the week Reflect off the ceilings of the soul Showing the world a masked face Hiding behind a shroud to cover the heart What does it say? When we hide from that which is true Mirrors reflect images of what only we can see Never able to see what others do Why the mysteries Why can’t we accept the truth? When someone looks deeper inside Takes the time to search for more Rises us up higher than we ever flew Why doubt what is reflected not from the mirrors but from their eyes Smiles that soften even the most damaged heart Healing the scars like bactine Letting the deadly sins of the week wash away Holding the key that unlocks the door Taking us away from the room Scattering the glass that judges us so harsh Escaping with our tattered arms Embracing the eyes that show us so clearly.

Through extreme pain comes self-awareness as though God’s divine plan for us becomes clearer. Clarity or hindsight is always 20/20 and the things you denied for so long become reality. Love makes us blind for the idea is more important to our souls then the reality of what your love is doing to one another. We live in the cocoon for so long because it is safe and we are afraid of breaking out to become the butterflies that we are meant to be. My life has for the most part been in the services of others even to the detriment to my son and myself. I lived so long trying to not make waves for fear that if I did they would stop loving me or find me to difficult to love. I would revolve my world around my father making sure he was taken care of that I forgot to take care of myself. Then he came into my life and showed me attention an made me feel like the world was good and that I was worthy of love and understanding. Yet, I never saw the cycle I was going back into until it was to...